donderdag 22 september 2011

Sweetheart I am here.....

While eating my dinner I came across these hearts...was so extited I took the pictures with my cell phone.
A little potato heart and a piece of cheese, wich looks like a little  heart.

A potato backed just the way it looked like a heart.It's white on the picture because of the flash.

A very small heart wich actually was a crumb of backed potato.And a vague heartisch form next to the white one and one above....

Finally after eating  nearly all my dinner there came the carrots,arranged themselves as a, what a message isn't it? It was my  mums birthday today..........

maandag 5 september 2011

cry me a rainbow

After al this crying of me I found myself a rainbow.Well sort of......

It reminds me of the one time we actually drove through the beginning of a rainbow,when we went to the hospital were my dad lay in a sleep coma. It looked the promise it never was. He went to heaven two months later, but at that time we were all overwhelmed by the glory of it. Its colours so bright, the bow so high, and the road  all alight.
Maby it was a little kiss of God to strengthen us for what was to come.
Mabey it was His way to remind us of the eternal glory wich all awaits us.
Anyways, it overwhelmed me, and I still do remember.
That moment of peace, before the tears came, before the loss was definite, before all things changed.

Now four years later, That moment made all the difference.

zondag 4 september 2011

small wonders
I decided to combine june and july and august for my small wonders contribution.
I was Ill nearly all of june and I slept the month through;-) and then there was the summerhollidays, So that's why!

small wonders:
- I rediscovered and got reconected with God
- found out that doing nothing(being in the sickbed) won't make my world tumble down
- I found courage and wisdom I never thought I had
- learned a very valuable lesson which has set me free
- gained a new friend in the process
- discovered I do matter
- discovered sons courage, who talked about how he felt inside to his father, for the very first time(good for you B)
- was invited for a holliday of two week, which was ever so special since I have never been on a vacation with the kids(bless you A)

I will take a long rest celebrating all this (big grin) with cake and tea of course!

chalenges were
- keeping the faith in me, God, my son and not to let me override by those who do not intend well

themes of the month
- stand firm in all that matters to me

my intentions and key focus areas:
- try to start painting again(haven't done that since my illness)
- stand firm in the dispute with the neighbours and housing asociation
- work in my garden
- Enjoy every minute as if it were the last(I'm keeping this one)
- Pray to God that all my wishes will come true.

That's all....for this new month to come....I will keep it modest

Ow dear

I don't know what it is but I am crying over everthing these days. Songs, pictures, tv programs(the challenge), you name it and I am crying. I remeber me crying this way when I was pregnant. It did not take much to let the tears flow then. But I am not pregnant this time, and yes I am sure about that. Since the Holy Ghost is not impregnating women anymore I am defenitly not pregnant.
But none the less very much crying, very sentimental, very sensitive.
I know I am still mourning,
still missing, and still wishing,
but it feels different. It comes from deep within. Something is freeing itself, breaking loose,transforming.
And while doing that, I am crying my heart out. Letting go of the old dream of finding my soulmate, and have children with him. It will never happen. I have to let go.....accept that it is not for me....that what I have is what I got, and that it is all there is. I am so lucky to have my children. I do have that.....and even that is making me cry....

the new schoolyear will start tomorrow and I am not even prepared,
O my God I will start crying wwwoooooohhhhhh